I am in full panic mode. I am trying to make it through until Saturday without sick children and all around us people have swine flu. It is driving me crazy. I believe it is just a matter of time before we get it and I am really hoping that we will be spared period, but at least through Saturday. It is hard enough to get 4 kids into the doctor for flu shots when they only have Saturday clinics from 12-5 at the pediatrician. If I have to reschedule some people it will be very difficult to figure out logistically and truthfully one flu is too many for this mother. I am so not looking forward to it even if everyone does o.k. and it is short lived, which in my experience it will not be for us. I am not sure if my excessive hand sanitizing has weakened my children's immune systems or if I over exaggerate (although my husband has commented on this too) the severity of an illness, but we seem to get whatever it is far worse than anyone else. So I always brace for the worst. My neighbor's child has swine flu, but missed only one day of school with it. He came down with a fever on Sunday night, had a cough on Monday, positive test and was back in school yesterday (o.k. so 2 missed days of school). We would miss a week and then some probably. My daughter's best friend is currently out of school for an illness and since his mom will not answer the phone, I have no idea what he has. Hoping it is not swine flu though!!!! My daughter said he went home early on Tuesday and has not been back since. So, worried here. Looking forward to flu shots on Saturday!
So, I often think my posts are all so negative. I try not to write about negative thins. I mean who really wants to read that. But, then again who wants to live that so here is my outlet for all those negative feelings I have. If you don't wish to read than stop here because this one is negative. I absolutely can't stand working anymore. I hate my job. As I write this from my work laptop sitting at a desk at work. Please, fire me. Well, not really my family needs the money! But, seriously I told my sister last week that I think we should open a funeral home so I don't have to deal with people. And, I really mean it. I now drive from school to school thinking I would rather be planning a funeral. How sad is that? I basically need a drink (yes, I said need) when I get home every afternoon just to keep it all together. I have cried everyday since last Monday at some point while driving in my car until today when I broke down inside one of my schools. I honestly can not get a grip on this. I am not sure why. I have not hated work more in my life even the day I left my oldest at daycare for the first time. Or the day I found out my daycare providers husband had been charged with child molestation. How sad I was to think that my son spent 2 years in that house and I will never know if that man did anything to him because he was too young to tell me. I am more sick now about going to work than I was back then. There is going to be a secretarial opening at my kids school soon and I want to leave my job at take that. I need to be with them, near them and away from this place. I used to love my work! I loved the job I have the impact that I made on kids lives. But, I no longer feel that way. I now longer think it makes any difference and I no longer care if it does. I have been beat down by my employer over budget cuts and stupid reorganizations that I have to clean up after and I no longer have the energy left to fight a good fight. And honestly, I could care less. I could care less if next year I get destaffed, because quite frankly I don't know that I will make it in this job until next year and if I do I don't know what kind of person is going to be left at the end. I have no tolerance for anyone and really I think that at some point it is going to impact my teaching. And that is really sad. I basically believe that my employer does not value my job and so I don't value my employer. I have absolutely no loyalty. We are told to put on a good face and put forth a good and positive attitude. And I do, but it takes its toll and now by the third week of school, I am beat down! Just plain beat down!
Wow! I can't believe school has started. The kids are back in school, sports have started, Sunday School has begun, my sister has had her baby, and the evenings are turning cool and crisp. This past weekend we had a fire in our fire pit. We roasted marshmallows and made S'mores! It was really fun. All the kids were outside in their sweatshirts and the windows were open in the house. I love to air out the house. It is just a different, relaxed kind of feel on a crisp fall weekend. I can't wait for the fall activities to begin. Apple picking kicks it all off, in 2 weeks and we don't stop until Halloween, this year on a Saturday. While I love this time of year, I hate going back to work and hate even more the infections that begin to creep inside the walls of my home. I am constantly amping up for winter and the onset of flu season. This seems to be coming early this year with the presence of swine flu. It seems to loom over us all the time. Someone coughs and I quarantine them until I see so progression in symptoms. Last night it was my oldest, who hates it the most. He has been subjected to my paranoia the longest and I come down the hardest on him because he has the worst hygiene of the bunch. However, it is a good lesson to the others because he gets sick the most often. I have offered disinfecting wipes to their teachers and plan to send hand sanitizer to my oldest class tomorrow since they did not request it and thanks to another concerned mom received a bottle and are cleaning their hand before lunch! Will we make it to vaccine time? Only time will tell which right now appears to be 4 weeks. I have seasonal flu shots scheduled, but the swine flu vaccine has not been released so they are not scheduling appointments. When they do, I plan to be one of the first on the list!!! Four sick kids are not appealing and 4 kids with the flu are even less appealing. I want to enjoy our fall and winter. Our middle son asked me last night if we could go skiing again this year. He is growing up so fast. he loves preschool this year. I am so thankful. He hid under the furniture and didn't want to go. I am thrilled with this change. He wants to ride the school bus and join his older brother and sister. Oh, what a day it will be for me next fall 2010. I will be crying for sure. He and I have always been so dependent on each other and I will have a difficult time releasing him to the hands of his Kindergarten teacher who will of course know more than me! However, if it is the same as who we have been blessed with before, at least he will be correct. She is amazing! Oh how time flies and how seasons change. I can't wait for this change of season, to run in the crisp fall air after a day of work. I can't wait to pick pumpkins with the kids and take those all important fall photos for the wall in the living room. I can't wait for it all. So fun!!!