Getting Older...

I have learned a lot of things over the past year or 10 months really.  Since my "incident" at work last winter, I have evaluated and re-evaluated things in my life.  Things that it seems like I can change and things it seems like I can't change.  I have not made many changes, but I have learned a lot of life lessons.  One of those life lessons is that it is difficult to get older.  My body just isn't what it used to be.  My body is starting to let me down.  First, it was my knee.  I never thought when I have my surgery in July that the surgeon would not have been able to repair it.  It is so frustrating more than anything to go to PT three days a week and see other people in there, older than myself with far less damage in their knees and watch them walk and move and realize that in not so many years I will be worse off than that.  For someone as active as myself, I scares me to think of what I will become.  It scares me to think that at 36 I need a new knee.  How will I be at 56?  When I still want to ski?  I gave up running after my half marathon (5/10) and I drove up behind a car with a magnet that said "Marathon Ho" and I cried.  I knew it was coming, building for days.  But, it set me off.  The thought of never getting on another starting line, of never fulfilling one of my goals of running a marathon.  For someone who is a runner deep down in my sole it is devastating.  As it sit here, with my knee sore and stiff I think to myself how long will it be before I can't take the pain anymore.   How quickly will it deteriorate?  Is it worse now that I had this surgery?  Should I have gone through it in the first place?  Why didn't I do the surgery long ago?  So many questions...