Friday, January 21, 2011

Happy New Year; Happy Broken Wrist!

I am struggling right now with how to start this blog post.  It has been so long since I have posted anything that I don't even remember how to type and this cast is making it all the more difficult because I can barely type with it.  Excuse the typos ;)  Since the school year began, I have been struggling to get myself together.  And I mean struggling.  I have no idea what it was.  During my work day I have plenty of time to think about things and reflect on life.  Sometimes this isn't always helpful.  I have a lot of anxiety all the time, but sometimes it overwhelms me to the point that it is consuming me and crushing my spirit.  Well, finally last week, after months of built up anxiety and stress something happened.  I broke my wrist.  O.k. that didn't happen last week, but that's another blog post.  But, I did find out that my wrist was broken last week.  And after months of worrying about this, that, and the next thing, I had one thing to focus on for two days.  What was I going to do about my wrist.  I have been walking around like this for a couple of weeks, so my surgeon said to just wear and brace for several weeks and it should be good to go since it happened so long ago.  And then he advised me not to ski.  Well, at this point I told him no way.  His response, "I knew you would say that."  And then the next thing I knew it was out of my hands.  He told me if I was going to ski I needed a cast.  Great, I thought, but honestly, this was possibly the best thing he could have said.  You see there is something about me needing to have total control over every aspect of my life.  Also, I focus so much of my attention on 100 things at once, that my head is spinning most of the time.  But, when the surgeon called, and said my wrist was broken and initially gave me the choice of a brace or a cast, I had to focus on the break and what I was going to do about it.  And then when he took the control out of my hands, it seemed to change my entire outlook.  Maybe putting things into perspective more.  Like what matter to me the most was being about to ski and if that meant risking surgery than that was fine with me.  My point is that for now, I love this cast.  It has made me happy and is helping me focus on the positives.  How, I don't know, but it has. 

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