Monday, June 15, 2009

Fell of the edge!

I have been on the "edge" for over a week now. Friday night, I finally fell off! I got an email about work in the late afternoon on Friday (right as I was getting dinner on the table). It said I would be working at a specific school two days a week. Unfortunately, it is going to add about an hour total on my commute each day and probably means I will be giving up all my students! I am still not sure about it and whether I will continue with my job or not. I still have a ton running through my head and need to continue to let it sink in a bit more. It is not the actual job or the fact that I will be school based. I knew that, but it is real now. It is also the commute. I am seriously dreading it! There has been so much going on between the kids sports, work, trying to manage the house/laundry/cooking, and running (just to name a few), I have felt overwhelmed and it has all been building up and I just couldn't let it out (crying). After I received my email, the flood gates opened! And they really have not stopped. I had no idea you could go to bed crying and wake up crying the next morning. I also didn't know it was possible to cry while on a 4 mile run! I also thought running was supposed to be therapeutic. I was hoping I wouldn't have to pay for therapy or try to fit that into my already crazy life. This morning I found myself cooking up a storm. It is what I do when I am stressed. I find it therapeutic. I made muffins, eggs and toast, the most perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich my daughter will ever eat, Jello, and the list goes on. I hope by the end of the week this will all have sunk in, I will be fine with my job and I can enjoy the summer! I love the time I get to spend with my kids, the relaxed lifestyle we live and that I get if only for 10 weeks (or less depending on the summer) to be just a Mom which is what I just want to be every day. Without working. If only...

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