Friday, February 27, 2009

Time Marches On

As I get older, I find myself thinking a lot more about my childhood. Maybe it also has to do with the memories I want to creat for my children. I have fond memories of my childhood and many of them involve extended family. As time goes on I have come to realize jsut how short a lifetime is. I never imagined my life without my grandparents. One of my grandfathers passed away when I was 2 and I do not remember him. Another grandparent passed away when I was 25. I of course have fodn memories of her. Even in her later years when she was ill, I have memories of the funny things she would say and just spending time with her especially after I met my husband. She always remembered him, even if she did not remember me. My other two grandparents are still alive and in the mid-ninties. My grandmother has been in a nursing home for several years now and she just seems to be holding her own. She does not remember anyone and she just seems to exist. This is certainly not how I remember he and not how I want to. But, it is the now! When I lasted visited her, I saw her DNR bracelet. My initial reaction was sorrow. I was so sad to see that on her wrist, but then in talking to her, I realized that she is old and her mind has worn out before her body and she is just waiting for her body to wear out. My grandfather on the other hand lived alone until just this past fall. He moved to an apartment in a complex where his daily meals were prepared and there was someone to look in on him from time to time. Activities were available and he enjoyed this facility. Unfortunately, a week and a half ago he fell and broke his hip. My concern is that he seems to be going down hill rather quickly. I feel the need to visit him because I am not sure how much longer he will be around. However, my fear s that I will not see m "grandfather" but some man I have never met. He has changed a lot since my grandmother passed away, but every once in a while I see him again. I never thought this strong man could be broken down into what he has become. I know he hates this a we all do. But, time marches on. It makes me fear for my parents and myself and ultimately my kids. I think that my children will go through this all too soon with my parents and then with me. So my hope is that I can make memories for my kids that will last their lifetime. And that I make the most of everyday!

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