Thursday, May 20, 2010

Summer is Coming!

Only 25 more days of work! But, who's counting? I have had quite the struggle today. I stood in one of my work locations and realized finally for the first time, although I knew it was there, that I am doing a job I hate. I know, wow! How the heck does anyone do this? I don't know. Maybe it is why I am tired, anxious, stressed, and not truly happy just about everyday of my life. A friend told me this morning that she was not a jealous person as we discussed Desperate Housewife style all the ladies int he neighborhood that had received convertibles and the like as gifts from their husband for anniversaries or birthdays. Both her family and mine live pay check to pay check, only she gets to stay home and her house is amazing. I have thought long and hard about this today. It is so un-Godly of me to be jealous of others. How or Why am I not happy with what I have a safe, secure home, an amazing husband and beautiful healthy family and truly what we need to live comfortably? How unfair of me to say that I want what others have when I have so much. But, there are things in my life like my job and my daycare situation that make it almost impossible to go through a week without feeling this way. Without avoiding those Facebook comments from friends who ask other friends to do lunch and get a pedicure. A pedicure, I have not had one in 8 years! But, I do have what ultimately matters most is an amazing family. Focus on that, focus on that. Maybe this all stems from being indulged as a child. I got my nails done weekly throughout high school. All my friends including myself had relatively new cars. I wore designer clothes. Now I don't live that lifestyle. If my husband is out during diner time, I can not order out like my mom did. I just need to suck it up and live the life I have. In the end. I don't want any regrets. So, why do I stay in this job? It affords me the flexibility to drop by the kids school or go on a field trip. Tomorrow, I get to eat a picnic lunch with Mutt at his end of year picnic. I couldn't do that if I didn't stick with this job. But, sometimes it is all a little tough to take! I just have to remind myself summer is coming!

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